these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
