there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
