kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your cock deserves a montage
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
