Say something about gay babies.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
