Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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