I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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