her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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