i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
