Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
nutella sex= disaster
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
