they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
