I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
