i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
