I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
