It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
