now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was like eating out sand paper
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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