Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
