nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
