just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
