doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
