WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
