forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
