Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
is it fun? or sober?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
