On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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