My cat gives me a boner
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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