At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
