SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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