yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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