My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
