I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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