she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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