so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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