Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
