my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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