the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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