Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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