You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize