I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
