apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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