so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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