Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
do nipples grow back?
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