My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
