I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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