1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
