This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
