I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
