just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
