I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
