The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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