remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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