The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
