And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
