he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
