my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize