Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
