I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
