Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You made out with two different species that night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
