I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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