The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
