i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
