Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
