It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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