grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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