is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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