end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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