We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
