I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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