I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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